| Take notes please |
| Monday, September 12, 2005 |
1) If you're going to jump on a monitor and rock out on guitar with your Billy Idol snarl, at least play like Slash or Pete Townshend. If you get up there and rock star pose, and then play light, delay-driven rifts, a la the Cure, I'll just laugh at you. My favorite band is the Cure, and even Robert Smith knows not to pull off crap like that...maybe that's one reason I like them.
2) If you take your friend to a party, make sure you don't lose her, or you might find her in the bathroom giving head to a guy she just met 30 minutes before said oral sex takes place.
3) Black pepper in the eye can burn. Badly.
4) A glass or two of red wine is delicious. Red wine, vodka, beer, vodka, wine and beer is just cause for a headache the next day.
5) Akita dogs will bite through your door.
6) Girls who like to watch machine-sex porn will keep reminding you of it until you write about it. Stay tuned, story at 11. |
posted by pimplomat @ 1:51 PM  |
|
| 1 Comments: |
-
1) If you are R. Kelly, and you contemplate the possibility of writing an “Urban Opera,” which will include lines like “And that’s when I start goin' crazy/Like I was tryin’ to give her a baby,” which will question the moral implications of homosexuality, infidelity, and male insecurity, please, in all seriousness, kill yourself immediately.
2) If you take your boyfriend to a party, and you find him giving head to lead singer Courtney Taylor of the Dandy Warhols, you should probably think about dumping him, regardless of how long they have known each other.
3) Oral sex immediately after using Lysterine can be unpleasant. Depending on your gender.
4) Having tequila poured down your throat, while fun, may cause you to mention very specific sexual fantasies involving Keanu Reeves and Ranch dressing to your husband’s sister.
5) God loves a terrier.
6) Like the Alamo, we need to be reminded of some things.
|
| |
| << Home |
| |
|
|
1) If you are R. Kelly, and you contemplate the possibility of writing an “Urban Opera,” which will include lines like “And that’s when I start goin' crazy/Like I was tryin’ to give her a baby,” which will question the moral implications of homosexuality, infidelity, and male insecurity, please, in all seriousness, kill yourself immediately.
2) If you take your boyfriend to a party, and you find him giving head to lead singer Courtney Taylor of the Dandy Warhols, you should probably think about dumping him, regardless of how long they have known each other.
3) Oral sex immediately after using Lysterine can be unpleasant. Depending on your gender.
4) Having tequila poured down your throat, while fun, may cause you to mention very specific sexual fantasies involving Keanu Reeves and Ranch dressing to your husband’s sister.
5) God loves a terrier.
6) Like the Alamo, we need to be reminded of some things.