These sites usually talk about other things besides music These sites mainly talk about music
The Talk
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
The following line comes from an article recently posted on Salon.com.

“If there is not a mass strike against such men they will be able to achieve libidinal expenditure relatively frequently, if not satisfyingly; they'll fail to sublimate their libidinal energies in the way that actually makes men attractive, which is by accomplishing things that may not be what they've always wanted to accomplish but are worthy things all the same, and they'll respond to women with the slack apathy with which one might respond to women if one felt that women were too available to them.”

At times like these, I want to shake the speaker by his shoulders, ask him to slow down and tell me what he means in 10 words or less.

The speaker in question is Benjamin Kunkel, a recently dubbed "public intellectual." His novel, Indecision, addresses contemporary listless males, specifically in New York City. Salon's Rebecca Traister interviews him about the philosophy behind the book's characters at www.salon.com/books/int/2005/09/20/kunkel/index.html.

Let me try and sum it up for you: Men are lazy at relationships and women don't want them to be. I admit that's a flip summary. I'm all for long, deep philosophical exploration between two people; however, this interview starts off with promise only to tumble into the middle of a stoner's circle.

Is it true that most men don't want to work at relationships when the going gets tough? I believe it is and it has always been that way. Yes, there are exceptions over time; however, most men are lazy. I'm lazy. I mean, I'll work at a relationship up to a point, and that point being "shut the hell up and move on."

Still, I've recently observed most of my friends that are girls practically driving a wedge between their boyfriends and themselves by the so-called "talk." You know the talk, the one where one person in the relationship wants to know where this (the relationship) is going and if it's stable and if it has a future (and by future, that person usually means marriage and maybe children).

Usually, the girl is asking these questions. And the guys' response almost all of the time is, "Why do we have to talk about the relationship if it's going so well."

And that just rubs the girl the wrong way, and they eventually split up a perfectly good relationship that possibly could have had a longer lifespan if he and she had just lived for the day.

Why does this happen? Why do (most often) women have this talk with their relationship partners? And from the woman's point of view, why don't the men like this talk?

posted by pimplomat @ 1:15 PM  
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