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Hot dogs, clean sheets and Janet Reno
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
I've been waiting awhile to document this, and I feel it's finally time to print it publicly.

This past weekend, I visited a swinger's club with the plus one. Let me just get it out the way: We did not swing with any couples. We were purely voyeurs.

The club is actually a private party. Normally, couples have to pay US$55 to enter. Our friend is dating one of the DJs, so we got in free, which made the opportunity to watch people have sex even more appealing.

Yes, people were having sex in front of others. Not on the dance floor or at the tables, but upstairs in--for lack of a better name--the sex loft. The loft had some bed cushions pushed together and some huge sofas. On the beds were couples making sweet sweet love to one another, while on the sofas, several varieties of oral sex were taking place.

What struck us as odd was the fact that there was actually no swinging going on. We expected to see group sex or at least some mid-coitus swapping. Nope. Didn't happen. Couples stuck together (no pun intended), whether eating, dancing, drinking, or fucking.

We did see three couples that we termed "the beautiful people." They were younger than us and more fit than 99.9 percent of the room. Visually, their sex acts looked hot, but we kept asking ourselves if they were really enjoying themselves. Not once did we hear a moan, scream or grunt. It was almost as if they were paid to come have sex in front of people. I guess they weren't paid to show emotion. Another couple to our left were emotional. Even though they weren't as good-looking as "the beautiful people," their sex act was much more appealing because you could tell they were into one another.

After our fill of up-close sex, we finished our beer (which we had to bring ourselves, by the way) and finished off the night at another bar, known more for its strong drinks than its libido.

Things we learned from our visit to the swinger's club:

Swingers like hot dogs. And store-bought cookies. The buffet table wasn't large, but hot dogs were well represented.

Several clean sheets were available for the beds upstairs. And they were nicely folded and held together with ribbons.

We think we saw Janet Reno dancing. Topless.

Swingers don't smile. Or like jokes about llamas fucking you in the ass.

Song of the Day
"Theme for Swingers" by The Soundtrack of Our Lives
posted by pimplomat @ 11:31 AM  
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